| The Fucking Internets | If you can’t say Fuck, you can’t say, Fuck the government. – Lenny Bruce
|
So, you may have read the last post about how I defriended someone on the facebook. This has had grave repercussions worldwide. The last weeks of summer 2010 will be known to future generations as “The Great Defriending”.
I prefer, unfriending, but during this crisis, Webster’s added the word “defriend”.
Okay, this was the most recent facebook post that had me “frosted”.
This whole global warming Fraud just frosts me. Do they leave water vapor
out of the equation because it’s “Traditional” to do so?
No, they leave
it out because it’s 95% of the green house gases, That reduces the tiny
changes in the other 5% to noise.
Okay. Whatever. I disagree. I’m sure that the 5% of noise is meaningless. Just like having a blood alcohol level of 5% would be. Not .05%, which is buzzed, but 5%. Stone cold dead. But I digress, because we’re not to talking blood alcohol, and to be honest we’re not even really talking about the global warming aspect of this post.
A mutual friend did comment (I did not, I was not caring too much at the time). I do not have his comment available as he fell during the Great Defriending. But he commented, simply that he wished the other friend would post something friendly and/or sweet, and mentioned me by name with something like…
“Or ‘I miss Mondo, I should visit.”
The comment that followed was:
Yeah ****, stop picking on the “Mesiah” and his deciples…its not PC….
I assume that I am the ‘Mesiah”. Which is disappointing, because I wanted to be the Messiah. I don’t even know what a Mesiah is, but I assume it is similar, though lesser. And my deciples? I was unaware of this. I hoped it wasn’t a medical condition. My disciples would be concerned if anything were to befall me. Me being the Mesiah and all.
Okay, yes, I’m being a fucking douche over spelling errors. I can do this. But the point is the content of the message. The next comment went…
nothing is PC anymore. people dont want to hear the truth or alternatives to thier reallity no matter the subject.
The PC issue is a big point with these folk. They hate PC. The guy who posted the status update rants about how sick he is of people being PC quite often. It’s not part of his reallity.
Yes, I’m still being a douche about spelling.
His girlfriend later replied…
I think there’s something to be said about having convictions to something, or many things. Sure you could chatter on about the small stuff, but you’re dedicated and speaking your mind. I suppose if you wanted to go on about every movement you’re making you could always get yourself a Twitter account — then again, it’s going to be a bit more difficult to explain away the red tape via twitter. Heh. Speak on Lovey! Speak on!
Sure. Everything is spelled right.
But wait? Is this about me? I do go on about every move I make on twitter. My sister calls me a twitter whore. I actually took this a little personally, but not much. Because I know how they feel about my twittering. Maybe they were talking about someone else. I don’t know. There’s too much red tape for me here. I can’t explain it away with twitter.
So… see the last post. Go on back and read it. It fits here, because here is where we are. I defriended the guy, wrote a blog post about it because I felt strongly about it, and settled back and watched some TV.
Did you read?
Ok. Here was his facebook response.
UnFriend Me,,Its apparently the New Black, Its cool.
Do not agree with what I say? fine. Don’t READ IT! Hide my status updates (yes its a FB function, go look) or “Gasp” Do not comment then.
Huh? I didn’t think it was cool. I was actually bothered by it a little, to be honest. And yes, I know that Hiding updates is a FB function. But I felt that why hide them? What’s the point? To be PC? You hate PC. I was intentionally not being PC. I thought that was the cool part. Or “Gasp” do not comment then. Yeah. I don’t comment. Because your friends attack me and judge me because I don’t agree, or heaven forbid, ask where you get your information. It’s not a discussion. It’s a rant. And a rant would be cool if you called it for what it was. And you attempt to make folk feel like they’re ignorant for not agreeing. “Educate yourself”, “Stop believing the lies”, etc. Those are paraphrased quotes, BTW.
Then he commented on his status.
BUT
Do not unfriend me on here and then post a blog, putting me down, demeaning my beliefs or what I believe in and just blatantly state that Im wrong while bitching that all I do is post about “Issues”. I do post about things that are important to me. Last I checked it was MY Fucking page, not yours.
Well, why not? I used to blog about all sorts of shit. Just like I tweet about all sorts of shit. When someone else was the subject, it never bothered you. And where do I blatantly state that you’re wrong? That’s what you do whenever anyone tries to tell you anything you don’t like to hear. On anything, not just political issues. Yes, you post about things that are important to you. Good. I post about things that are important to me too. Defriending someone I cared about was important to me. You may have noticed if you did more than skim the blog.
And it’s MY fucking blog, not yours. Whereas facebook, is OUR fucking facebook. It’s a Social Network that is owned by others that let US play there. I own my domain name, I rent server space. I pay for bandwidth. MY fucking blog, baby. Please, continue…
Everyone has a right to their own opinion except of course if it falls outside of you or your friends thoughts, you just proved that with your actions and words.
Yep. That’s what I said. Oh, wait! You paraphrased me! Sorry! Because I paraphrased you. No, it’s cool man.
So, the Global Warming thing is your opinion. That’s good to know, because I was afraid you were backing it up with facts. Not that I would know, since you almost never post them. And if I ask where you were getting your facts, you and your friends got very, very pissy. Odd behavior for people who claim to be very concerned about truth.
Do you think I agree with all of my friends? Fuck no. Argue with them all the time. And I always leave them the right to their opinion. And they, mine. Shouldn’t stop us from trying to discuss them, though.
Continue…
Hope Ive been a good source of conversation and bitching with you and other people cause GOD forbid you don’t look cool in front of your “Real” friends while your all posting hours of useless drivel screaming “Look at me, Look at ME!!”
“I know it was cold there in my shadow…” Heh. Bette Midler said it.
Yeah. You, poor paranoid man. You weren’t. And do you know me? Apparently not. You think I ever worry about looking cool in front of my real friends? Those are the people I don’t need to look cool for. That is why they’re my real friends. I will admit that you were a good source of conversation and bitching tonight. Maybe you’re psychic! That would be cool! But that was even due to actions you took. And as for the “posting hours”? Dude, that’s why I use twitter. Because it takes seconds. For someone who has a website called “fuckinginternets” I spend little time there any more. It takes me seconds to post a quick tweet while doing stuff in the real world. I’m sorry twitter offends you. I’m sorry if you think it’s “Look at me! Look at me!” I mean, it is. That’s twitter. That’s facebook. People post shit to be amusing, informative or because they’re bored. I know you’re better than everyone else. I know that when you post on facebook, you post just for you.
That’s what fridge magnets are for, man.
Had you defriended me because of my constant use of the word “fuck”, I wouldn’t have been bothered a bit. Even if you had blogged about it. Don’t believe me? Then you didn’t know me. Please continue…
Fuckin Pathetic.
Pathetic? Yes. Defriending everyone who has ever disagreed with you and who is connected to me (with a few exceptions) was very fucking pathetic. People who never argued with or upset you. Defriend my daughter, my friends, and prove that your pride is more important than people who, even if they didn’t agree with you, or were your friends on the fucking internet, would have taken a fucking bullet for you. And some still would, but you don’t care. You got pissed, probably very embarrassed that I blogged about it, and went… batshit insane.
I feel betrayed, especially after hearing and reading constant views for years of being “understanding of other peoples opinions and view” and to then have myself and what I believe in ripped apart by a “Friend”.
Tolerance is apparently a One-Way Street viewpoint for some people
Dude, you rip apart your own beliefs. I am understanding of other points of view. I just want to discuss them. I’m sorry that didn’t work for you. I don’t want to see your point of view if I can’t discuss it with you when I don’t quite agree. Man, you should see me and my other friend (who you also defriended) argue about stuff. And we even get a little fucking pissed at each other, agree to disagree and move on. He doesn’t hold a grudge. And neither do I. And if he facebooked it, I know that we would have a discussion and end it without agreeing. And move on.
Apologize? Practice and implement what you preach, then maybe you wouldnt need to.
I’m sorry, did you think I apologized? I didn’t apologize. I said I was sorry that you were hurt so bad by the whole thing. And then said I wouldn’t be making apologies. As I said on twitter, when I first read this, and again, I paraphrase… (that’s the right thing to do by the way… three periods is an ellipsis. Three commas is just really poor punctuation. I know, I’m being a douche again) “Being sorry is not the same as apologizing. I can be sorry you fell down a well. I wouldn’t apologize if I didn’t push you.”
What do I preach that I do not implement? I’m sure there are things. But this stuff? I preach this, baby. And I implemented it.
I was sorry. Still kind of am, but I have a feeling that our relationship will never recover from this foul, base betrayal. Really. Sorry until you started defreinding everybody in some mad attempt to make sure that you were the cooler one. The newer, badder black. Children were defriended, people who never had a bad word to say about you were defriended. Maybe you thought to hurt them. Maybe you just wanted to make sure I couldn’t see your wall (you can hide that too, you know. It’s an option. Look for it.) Oh! BTW, we decied that being defriended was cooler than being the defriender, so we kinda win there. We’re the new, newer black.
We’re cool.
So, yeah, we kinda had fun at your expense tonight. And I did feel kind of sorry about that too. I think most of us did, and comments were even made that people still liked you, though they were concerned for your brain.
I don’t have the time. I’m busy blogging about it.
As a bonus, I’m posting his girlfriend’s post to me from facebook. I won’t reply, because I honestly don’t know what “it is”. I mean, I thought my blog post was clear. I will post my friends reply, because it works for me.
Why’d ya go an do that? If “it” didn’t matter, and “it” shouldn’t be a problem, than “it” wouldn’t have had you sitting for half an hour, not knowing what to respond with or ignore. Apparently, it does matter to you, and from the looks of it, from several others who likewise, aren’t capable of discerning “friendship” from a man that enjoys following political hot topics … doesn’t mean you have to comment, agree or even understand b/c first and foremost, he’s a friend. Shame, it’s a real shame
My friend replied…
It is a shame that someone who has been friends for so long doesn’t know his friend well enough to know he would be bothered. It is a shame that we are all from NY and do not like to keep our opinions to ourselves when they are put in front of our faces.It is a shame that he had been so tied up that he has forgotten how HIS friends handle these sorts of things and a damn shame that instead of saying lets agree to disagree he accused HIS friends of being ignorant.The old saying goes amidst friends never speak politics or religion it makes for a bad night. Just because I did not want to hear what **** had to say on political issues did not mean that I cared for him any less. That also did not mean that I would not be there in a time of need or that I did not see him and his family as my own. I am sure that Mondo felt the same.
**** is a great dad a hard worker and a caring friend. However I also think that he is silly in taking a defriendment from fb as an insult. If anything he should be amused that we as his friends decided that we would rather speak to him about his and our crises, the new tricks the dogs learned and how well or badly our kids are doing. I have no interest in the fact that he does or does not care for illegals, I do not want to know that he believes we should still have Bush in office and I really am not to keen on hearing his ideas on how the economy was ruined by the working man. Politics is like sex we all know that our parents and friends are involved in it but do we really want to know the details. You are right **** it is a damn shame that over something so silly HE would be ignorant enough to turn his backs on the only people who were there for it all. Girlfriends,kids,court cases,bills,broke down cars,babysitting,letting the dog out, meeting exes while exchanging children during visits, weddings, graduations, birthday parties and BBQs. You’re right it is a damn shame and a complete loss for all involved. So good luck with that.
She’s right. A damn shame.
But, moving on…
3 people like this post.
I dropped a valued friend from Facebook last night.
It kind of hurts, because again, this is a valued friend. An old friend. Someone I’ve known for years, through all sorts of shit. But, aside from the occasional comment on my ‘happy status posts’, like “Good luck!”, the only time I see this friend is when he’s regurgitating what he hears on Fox News or from whatever conservative website he’s reading currently.
I used to comment, but that would usually lead to a whole mess of his like-minded friends jumping in and not saying anything to support his statement, just nay-say anyone who held a differing point. It’s fine to have differing points of view. I encourage it, in fact. But when your standard reply is to use the standard pop-conservative buzzwords and phrases, and insist that anyone not well versed in them is a fucking moron, it leads me to believe that you don’t have a different point of view, just someone else’s different point of view. Once when I asked where he was getting his information, I was basically told by he and his group that he didn’t need to present his sources of information, and that I should educate myself on the matter.
I’m plenty educated. Just want to know where you got your learnin’.
The last time I commented, was when he was bitching about people protesting something I had heard him protest about. But these people were protesting for the wrong reasons. I commented that the only time he seemed to use the facebook was when he had something to bitch about.
Oops.
Anyone who follows my twitter account knows I bitch plenty and often. If you don’t know that my favorite word is any word that uses some variation of the verb “fuck”, you don’t know me. He ranted about how all I do is bitch and moan and curse on the twitter, and here I am accusing him of ‘bitching’. He pointed out that I use foul language far too often and that children are following me on the facebook.
I am a bad person.
I wanted to argue back. I had arguments. All of my tweets are not “bitching” (though they are usually boring). I wanted to argue that any responsible parent should know what their child is doing on the fucking internets. If your child is following or friending me, you should know. Odds are that you are too, which is probably how your kids know me. If you don’t know me, you should be wondering “Who the fuck is this old guy my kid is friends with on the facebook or twitter?” and you should be looking at my posts/tweets. If you disapprove, you should be telling your kids “I don’t like that motherfucker’s shitty language, or the way he complains about his fucking sweaty balls!” and forcing them to drop me.
Note: If I am friends with your kid on facebook and you don’t know me, your kid is probably friends with my daughter and friended me up.
So, if you’re worried about what your ten-year-old is seeing me say on the fucking facebook or twitter? Tell them to drop me. I really won’t be offended. And I won’t mind not seeing what facebook applications they’re scoring on, or how much they love sparkly vampires, emo bands and fucking puppies.
And if you’re very worried about what sort of shit your kid is seeing and hearing, what the hell is your ten-year-old doing on facebook anyway?
Yes, my daughter had a facebook account early, too. And I scour her friends list fucking constantly.
The last “incident” (my last comment on his post was that I would never comment again, which I stuck to) had me sitting in dumbstruck sadness at how much he seems to have lost his mind to Glenn Beck. And I spent over half an hour thinking of ways to comment or question his view that would not seem like I was “attacking” him. and i realized that the only way not to come off as seeming like I was attacking him, or getting jumped by a bunch of his friends (who have a very negative opinion of me, methinks), would be to agree or ignore. I couldn’t agree, and I couldn’t ignore.
So, despite my reservations about doing this to someone I still consider a valued friend, I protected my inner-child and dropped him.
I hope this doesn’t upset him. When our mutual friend did the same thing, over a similar issue, I heard the giggling over how she had “un-friended” him, as if it was like the slamming down of a phone or making an attempt to somehow bother him. It wasn’t. It was just that she didn’t want to read the unsupported rantings of someone who doesn’t use facebook for anything else. It was her way of protecting the way she felt about him, and she was hoping that he wouldn’t take it the wrong way. Which he did.
But facebook ain’t the real fucking world. Because I unfriend you, doesn’t mean I’m no longer your friend. It just means that I’d rather communicate in real-time, and spare you from seeing my constant usage of the word “fuck”.
4 people like this post.
Posted on 15.Jul.2010 by dharmabob in Life
It’s true.
I no longer reside in the Empire State. I no longer live in the scenic Hudson Valley. I no longer work for an oil company. I no longer use the word “fuck” in every sentence.
It’s every other sentence now.
I have moved to Winston-Salem, North Carolina.
To prove this commitment to myself, I even have a driver’s license that says that I live here now. I’m registered to vote here (as a Democrat – I figured they need the help here), and I’m looking for a job here.
Yep. I’m a bum again.
I have family here, so I can be a bum for a little while. But not too long, because I have expensive habits like BBC America, my cell phone and the need to pay for fucking internets I don’t use as often as I should.
The family is the reason I curse a little less. Three nieces and a nephew. All impressionable. And with a mother less tolerant than those I’m used to.
So between looking for work, I have had a little time to do some playing on the fucking internets. I’m hoping to bring sprawlcrawler back as a thing for this area. I need to do some serious messing about with the ill-literati site, and I have even set up a website for my brother. It ain’t much. A place holder at the moment, but I hope to do something interesting with it soon. You can see it at http://jwebsterelectric.com. My brother is an electrician, and a fucking good one. So if you’re a local to Winston-Salem or the surrounding area, give him a call if you need some electrical stuff done. Not just because he’s my brother, but because he’s your brother.
Don’t ask. I’m a little off today.
“Paul Is Trying To Kill Me” shirt sales are weak. But I think that’s because I only really pushed them to old co-workers. I really do want to push the Paul thing. If anyone deserves to be an icon for no reason, it’s Paul.
New “Fucking Internet” shirt designs are in the works. I’ll need permissions for some of them. The “Fucking Wi-Fi” shirt really needs to be re-done. I wouldn’t buy one either.
I’d like to do a “Fucking Wi-Fi” shirt that lights up when sensing a wi-fi hot spot. Like the big boys have.
Okay, I’m out for now kids. I have to drive my nieces home and play them some music off my iPod. Because culture is king, y’know? Okay.
Peace out, fucking homies.
1 person likes this post.
Fucking Internets: Fucking WiFi Design turns you on!
Here’s another fucking t-shirt for you. The sexually innuendo laden “Fucking Internets” WiFi shirt.
No it doesn’t light up when you’re in range of WiFi. It does have a nice pink signal enclosing a fleshy colored antenna.
Not only is it available in all sorts of clothing styles, but also in all sorts of beverage things as well.
Find them at the Fucking Internets Store @ http://www.cafepress.com/fninternets/7042483
Buy things. If you don’t, the economy loses.
dharmaBob
The Paul is trying to kill me! T-shirt!
Yeah. I’m pimping t-shirts.
The first t-shirt is “Paul is trying to Kill me!”
Paul is a co-worker of mine at KOSCO. Paul is fuckin awesome. Mostly because he puts up with my shit. Poor Paul.
I’ve threatened to do this to him for a while. And in case you’re wondering about me making money off of poor Paul, half of my profits on the Paul shirt will go Paul.
So support Paul as he puts up with my bullshit!
Help Paul become a pop icon!
Tell Paul how much you love him!
Buy a fucking t-shirt. It comes in many styles, and also for kids and a big coffee mug.
I think it’ll look cute on an infant so I also put it on a ‘onesie’.
Find the shirts at http://www.cafepress.com/fninternets
dharmaBob
2 people like this post.
Hey, stalkers! Here I am!
So I finally submitted to foursquare. I was mildly aware of it, in the sense that I was seeing bits of “so-and-so unlocked the ass badge!” or “so-and-so became the Mayor of this bar and/or coffeeshop” with a foursquare link attached to the tweet, status update or scrawled on the filthy bathroom walls of my home.
For a while, I thought it was a game. Like farmtown or fishtown or “Ass-Pirates of the Social Network” on the facebook. I paid little attention. But then my very close friend @sleepjunky started doing weird things like becoming the Mayor of our local Barnes and Noble or QuickChek and I just had to fucking see what the fuck this was about.
It’s not quite a sheep following thing. It’s just that I know this girl very well. And if she’s doing something like this in the little time she has in between dealing with clones, propagation, and hell-monkey wrangling, it had to be something very quick and simple, fun, or good for helping you maintain some semblance of sanity. It might have even been something fucking useful for fuck’s sake!
Well. It’s quick and simple, anyway. And I suppose if you live in more happening cities, it’s potentially more useful than a stalker-help desk.
The idea is that, when you go someplace (hopefully someplace cool, interesting or involving sex and beer), you tell the world that you’re there. You check in with the world, in case the world cares or needs to know where you are at all times. You would do this on your smartphone (apps exist for the big three and a half of iPhone, Blackberry, Android and Palm Pre), via text, or their mobileweb page.
So, when I’m at Barnes and Noble to drink coffee, I would check in and shout something like “I’m at the fucking Barnes and Noble, drinking coffee with @sleepjunky!”
Other foursquare users would then see (and on twitter and facebook, since I have it set to update them as well), that I am at Barnes and Noble. They could click the link and get the google map location of my ass. And they could then potentially come to meet me for coffee, ignore my need to constantly inform the entire fucking world of my whereabouts, or send assassins to my location to “rub me out”.
Note: foursquare should NOT be used by soldiers in the field. This is worse than tweeting for shit like that.
Sarge D @ Secret Military Base 3 mins ago
(172 Goat Herd Path, Kabul Afghanistan)
Also, at the moment, I’m asking my kid NOT to join in on the foursquare fun. This is bad for the kids, folks. For example, I just went to the foursquare page, looked for a hot chick and found out that she’s the Mayor of a certain Starbucks. This probably means that she is there often. This means that I can go stalk her there.
It’s bad enough my kid is on the Fucking Internets at all. I don’t want someone to be able to find her @ Candy Store in Bumfuck, New York.
And like I mentioned above, there are nifty badges I can unlock! I have already unlocked the newbie badge. This means that I am not so retarded that I can actually use foursquare, or that I have done more than sign up for just one more fucking internets fad that I will then ignore, like most twitter users do.
Along with badges, there’s a point system in which you compete with people you’re friended to. You get points for the number of check ins, the type of check in, if you do things on a to-do list or tips that other people have suggested.
Remember mySpace? Yeah, me too. Sort of the way I remember walking home from school when I was seven. It was something I just did every day inbetween more adventurous pursuits.
On top of badges or letting stalkers know where you are, you can also actually become the Fucking Mayor of a particular venue (That’s what places you’re at are called… venues). I imagine that there’s a badge as well, but the message gets sent out that “so-and-so just became the Mayor of the Vince Lombardi rest stop!”
Most places, this gets you nothing but the respect and/or envy of other foursquare users. But there are some places where this will actually get you something. Some places will give the Mayor a free beer, or coffee, or lap dance! I haven’t seen illegal drugs or blow jobs yet. But I’m sure that’s only a matter of time.
Despite my mockery, I do enjoy this foursquare thing. Like many others, I even added my home as a Venue (hint: call it something other than simply “Home”), as well as the home of my kid’s mother. I’ve left the locations intentionally simple, just “Kingston, NY”, so that stalkers will have a harder time finding me. It’s also useful for the exploration and discovery of places you may not have thought about checking out, reasons to check places out, or places you never knew existed. So, you know, nice work there!
I’ve come home and did some minor edits on this post. Linkages and things. Before I did, I made sure that I hit the foursquare app on my Blackberry and informed the world that I am @ Home: Serenity.
And this is where I’m going to bed.
See you on the Fucking Internets,
dharmaBob
dharmaBob
3 people like this post.
Posted on 07.Jan.2010 by dharmabob in Life
Really, I should have been in bed an hour ago.
Oh, Fucking Internets. I finally fixed some shit on my non-fucking internets blog thing. You can read the comments now.
The address is http://angrybob.ill-literati.org. Lately, like for months, it’s been nothing but fucking twitter daily digests. There’s some older stuff on there that may interest you. It may not. Either way I feel sorry for you.
It’s still a fairly popular site, despite the lack of serious content. That’s because I have Blue Mic’s Snowball patches there. Lots of hits for that. Lots of comments complaining about Blue Mic’s lack of customer service.
Anyway.
More fucking stuff coming soon. Here and there. Because I’m losing my mind staying away from this outlet.
Nobody’s fault but mine own.
So I’ll blame fucking KOSCO.
Posted on 06.Jan.2010 by dharmabob in Life, WTF?
That’s Doctor Who references in the title, for you heathens.
I got a desperate text message from dear friend and fellow twitterwhore @sleepjunky.
@sleepjunky: Gary Coleman, down!!! Gary Coleman, DOWN!!!!!!
Me: Gary Coleman Down?
@sleepjunky: He’s in the hospital! He’s precarious!!!
Me: No, he’s precocious! Oh! Wait! Oh noes!
Gary Coleman has long been my foil, my nemesis, my … Gary Coleman.
In the long time that Gary Coleman and I have been at war, I have often made many jokes and cartoons at his expense. Some of these have been lost forever.
Some of them have not.
So in the interest of sparking within Gary Coleman the will to live to strike back at me another day, I present three of the cartoons (well, two cartoons and one movie poster) that have previously made the Fucking Internets a nice place to bring your kids.
Well, maybe not YOUR kids.
Here we have Gary Coleman in The Matrix. In keeping with the bad taste I usually displayed at the time, I included Dana Plato who was already dead, Todd Bridges who was probably in jail or smoking crack, and that guy who played their adopted dad, whose name I forget because he was just as obscure when I did this picture as he is now.
This is not Photoshopped. I used some other program. Either way, Gary Coleman looks dashing, don't he?
Early in his career, Gary acted in a little known sci-fi film. He was replaced after shooting started because he kept peeing in his costume.
ed. That’s not fucking funny. Gary Coleman can’t piss. He has no fucking kidneys man!
The film was called Star Wars in Space (thanks @bonniegrrl) or something like that.
Well, maybe it's a better known film than I give it credit for. Have you heard of it?
At one time, I fancied myself a comic book writer. So to boost my ego, I drew a two page comic book called “Comic Boook”. I thought that extra “o” was funny at the time. It probably wasn’t. Also, one of the two pages was the cover. But Gary Coleman was in it. And so was the cast of “Willow”. Remember that movie? That movie would have kicked ass if Willow wasn’t in it.
Actually, if it was Willow from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, it probably would have kicked ass.
Anyway…
You may need to do that clicky thing in order to fully see this mother.
Yes, anyway, despite all of the mean ways I’ve drawn or done whatever to Gary, the truth and real life has been harder on him than I ever could be.
Because who has two thumbs and made a mockumentary called “Midgets vs. Mascots?”
This guy…
Gary Coleman has had plastic surgery to look like a fucking Muppet! If Jim Henson were alive, he'd fucking sue!
Gary, Gary, Gary… Oh, Gary Coleman. The world would be less strange without you. Not by very fucking much, but still… that ought to count for something.
1 person likes this post.
Posted on 18.Oct.2009 by dharmabob in books
And Another Thing... Book 6 of 3 in the Hitchhiker's Trilogy
The storm had now definitely abated, and what thunder there was now grumbled over more distant hills, like a man saying “And another thing…” twenty minutes after admitting he’s lost the argument. Douglas Adams – “So Long and Thanks For All the Fish”
In 1992, before the Fucking Internets and the World Wide Web were household words, let alone household necessities, Douglas Adams destroyed the Earth.
Again.
And for what seemed to be the absolute last time, since all alternate/parallel Earths were also destroyed by the Vogon once and for all.
With these Earths, Adams also destroyed some of the most important characters ever to grace the written page, Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect.
Apparently, Adams was having a very bad year.
“People have said, quite rightly, that Mostly Harmless is a very bleak book. And it was a bleak book. I would love to finish Hitchhiker on a slightly more upbeat note, so five seems to be a wrong kind of number; six is a better kind of number.” Douglas Adams from an interview printed in “The Salmon of Doubt”
Sadly, Douglas Adams passed away in 2001, which was also turned out to be a very bad year for him, and for us. Because if anyone was going to fix the bleak end of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, it would have had to have been Adams. I know. I tried.
I had at one point been writing a FanFic sequel to the Hitchhiker’s Trilogy. And it wasn’t bad, I had immense fun writing it. My solution was that at the instant the planet had been destroyed, a whole new string of Earths suddenly popped in to fill the void, while Arthur, Ford and all the rest of the main characters who had been vaporized were saved at the last minute by the Dolphins (who had once left Arthur a nice fish bowl which was engraved with the message “So Long and Thanks For All the Fish”. I had an alternate(?) Arthur Dent attempting to destroy all of reality to make it just stop. I had Zaphod Beeblebrox depressed and paranoid because Alternate Arthur had done some really, really terrible things to him. I had Original Arthur and Ford off on some adventure with Roosta (bonus points if you remember that cat). And I had returned Marvin to life (sort of. Remember that at the time of his death, he was really, very, very old) and had also returned Fenchurch back to her original universe of origin. It was a lot of fun, and maybe someday, I’ll find and finish it for shits and giggles.
But author Eoin Colfer (once best known for his Artemis Fowl series), was tapped to write the ultimate FanFic. An authorized sequel to the Hitchhiker’s Trilogy. I can only imagine how he must have felt about that. And I imagine that with the absolute giddy, geeked out, joygasm–there must have also been a small bit of terror. Because as a fan, what if he fucked this up?
I am happy to say that he didn’t.
Colfer’s done some cool things with And Another Thing…. His solution to the end of Mostly Harmless works well, and he immediately spins the characters off on their next adventure. Some recurring characters become major players, some issues are resolved and others are created.
This isn’t a book report. It’s barely a book review. So I’m not going to reveal any big plot points and just insist that if you’re a fan of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, go and read this fucker. Do it now. You won’t regret it (or at least you shouldn’t, and if you do, you’re of of those people who need to first against the wall when the revolution comes).
Colfer is no Adams, this is to be sure. And with no notes, outlines or nuggets left behind by Adams to guide the way, Colfer is purely on his own. But Colfer’s love for the original books, the characters and for Adams is easily apparent. Colfer is a fan of these books, and while he isn’t dogmatically reverent with the material, he isn’t wildly sacrilegious. It’s a good book, and it’s certainly more satisfying that not having it.
The only real question I have though, is whether or not the series will continue beyond this point. Colfer has certainly set things up for sequels, which I have to say is a much nicer end than the absolute destruction we had been left with.
Again. Go fucking read it.
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Posted on 15.Oct.2009 by dharmabob in Life
Or something. A poet or something.
Finding my old site on the wayback machine is really fucking with me. Because, once, I had to code each fucking page, post, etc. (well, actually by this time, I think I had snagged a copy of Office that had Front Page on it to make life easier, but still) I was blogging on a regular basis, and it wasn’t hardly fucking called blogging. So what the fuck, man? Why such a slacker?
So I share this bit of poem-thing. Because I wrote it and posted it on that old hand coded site.
Here it is. Ahem…
Inactivity.
The days blending and bending into one long week
Stifling, suffocating
But it’s so easy to slip into this and so hard to step out
You know how it is
When you’ve been walking across the iciest stretch of sidewalk
Slip
Fall
Struggle to get back to your feet
Finally making half-assed attempts to get back up
Then just sliding to a snow bank to get a grip
That’s what this stretch of inactivity is like
Where the fuck is that snow bank?
Or that dry patch that will get me back on my feet and moving?
And when I get back up, how long will I carefully shuffle
For of fear of slipping again?
Doubtful I’ll be the next big thing in the poetry world. But still. I used to do shit all the fucking time. I was always working, creating and even if it was going nowhere, it was keeping me in shape mentally.
I am such a fucking slacker. I see that more clearly now.
Bah.
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