The Fucking Internets | Well, you know, like, I don’t really give a fuck what the general public think. – Sid Vicious

F*#KING Fucks: Either Fucking Swear, Or Don’t.

Before I start this little rant, a caveat: Fans of sci-fi shows like Battlestar Galactica and/or Farscape are excluded targets when using words like Frak, Frell or Feldercarb.

I read an article on Blastr: “Newspaper frakkin’ bans use of frakkin’ word in place of (you know)”. In the article, it implies that Hearst is banning the word “frack” (no mention of “Frak”) from it’s comment section.

Sadly, many of our users attempt to exploit a perfectly legitimate word as a replacement for it’s more vulgar cousin.

– email from Brett Mickelson, Executive Producer Hearst Connecticut Media Group

For starters, I’d like to stress that the word that is being banned is the word involving a real topical news issue; Fracking is how we bust up the planet for more fossil fuels. So I don’t understand how a news site is going to allow conversation on that frakkin’ issue if you can’t say “frack”. More importantly, I wonder why Blastr reported it as a “nerd word” article. The word in the Colonial language is “Frak”, and may be safe to use.

But aside from possible geek ramifications, it made me think of the constant use of things like “F*#KING” or “F–K” or “@#$% you, Billy! @#$% you with a pointed stick!” Unless being used ironically, this irritates the living f*#k out of me. It’s called “grawlix” or “profanitype”, and it’s about as useful as $#it on $#ingle.

See what I did there?

When being used on the internets or someplace where you are likely to be censored, I can see it’s usefulness in avoiding automatic censoring, or that an actual human being will censor you. But in places where censorship is lax or nonexistent, like facebook, twitter, your blog etc., the idea is that you are too proper to actually swear, in which case I call bullshit on that because if you’re going to type it, it’s part of your vocal vocabulary; or that you are attempting to shield and save the rest of us from profanity in general, in which case you fucking fail.

When you say something on facebook like…

All this PBS bullshit is outta hand. Everyone is so concerned about Big Bird, What about Cookie Monster all you F*#KING RACIST!!!!!

… do you think that you have saved me from the horrors of the word “fuck”? Do you think that smaller children who can read will not ask me why you can’t spell the “f” word properly? If they don’t know the “f” word, you have also now drawn more attention to it and have forced someone to answer a question about the offending word. I guarantee you, if a kid can see the semi-censored word, then they know what it is already. You’re fooling yourself if you don’t think your kids know all the best swears already. Unless you homeschool, live in a bubble (or maybe Utah), and have no access to the outside world (cable, internet) that your kids can access.

So why use the word? To get your point across? Then fucking use it. Say, “Fuck Big Bird, Fuck Romney, Fuck Obama and Fuck You!” Say it because you mean it! That’s why you attempted to use it!

Are you afraid of offending someone? Then why fucking use it all all? Say, “To heck with Big Bird, darn Romney, a pox on Obama and I say good day, sir!”

You can’t fucking “half-swear”. Really. You fucking can’t. Either use the word like a fucker who knows what the fuck he wants to say, or be polite and don’t fucking pretend to be that guy.

For reals. I mean, at least when the geeks say “Frak Big Bird, Frell Romney,¬†Go tsao de Obama, and Smeg you, you Gorram Belgium Drokk”, it’s because they like sci-fi and feel frakkin’ clever. As well we should.*

*If you can identify all of the sci-fi swears by their origin, leave a comment and win valuable kudos!

I guess the point of the rant is: If you don’t have the frelling nerve to actually frakkin’ use the word, please don’t pretend.

It fucking annoys me, and I am obviously the center of the fucking universe.

 

Addendum: WTF? is okay for geeks, people whose parents can be convinced it means something else, and teenagers. FML is for fucking teenagers only. Please stop.

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