The Fucking Internets | Half of life is fucking up the other half is dealing with it. – Henry Rollins

Fucking iPhone

I’ve done it. I’ve finally gone and fucking done it. I have abandoned the Android OS that has kept me in touch with the world both on and off the internets, and I have gone the sheep route and got myself an iPhone.

Now, I won’t take that sheep thing lying down. Apparently the best way to take a sheep is standing up, behind it.

Photo on 11-2-14 at 9.56 PMI’m a Mac user. And since my conversion there, I’ve been very happy to Apple Desktop my way through all of my music, porn and news. I had a couple of Mac Apps to make my life work a little better with things like sync with my Android phone and watch my iTunes through my¬†Xbox 360. And I liked using my iPod Touch for things like music and the occasional game. But as something that I would need to be tapping at on a regular basis, the iPhone fell fucking short. Mostly it was because the screen was too small. Even on my early Android devices, I went for physical keyboards because my fucking thumbs are clumsy and stupid things.

Also, I didn’t want people to accuse me of sheep fucking or something. Because I care about that shit.

The Apple pHonepod Mark VI (or iPhone 6 for you common folk), came out with that bigger screen because competition. In fact, it came out with two bigger screens in case you have a smaller dick than the average sheep. I am lucky enough that my thumbs and dick were satisfied by the size of the regular iPhone 6. The 6 plus looked like something that would bend in my pocket. Also, in my pocket it dwarfed anything else I had down below, and made me feel inadequate.

The iPhone 6 is smaller than my old Note 2. And when I use the Note (which I do, often for stuff and things), I miss that old screen, but the regular iPhone 6 screen is just fine. The fact that I can sync music a whole lot easier is also fine. Maybe better than fine, really.

Actually, considering my Mac, while not really old, is really too old to take advantage of some of the other features the new iPhone has to offer, that’s really the main thing. Music syncing. Over wifi. That’s cool, right?

I also like that Health app. I like that a lot since my job mostly involves walking all fucking day long. 7 miles on a good, average day, according to the iPhone. A quarter mile on the average Sunday, which is my day off and to be honest, I’m surprised I walk that much on Sunday.

As a big fan of Google’s apps, I also really appreciate all the iOS apps that let me google. I can even say, “Fuck you, Siri,” and just use Google’s voice assistant. Not as easily, since I have to open that app, but it’s there for me in a way that Siri never was.

I miss the ability to add an SD card. I got the 16gb iPhone 6 because it was in stock and I am cheap. So that’s a huge downgrade in space to store things. But I might not mind so much, because a lot of that space went empty on my Android since I started using every cloud service that would have me. But the option is nice, and I can’t get as much music on my phone as I’d like. I tell people I don’t mind because how much music am I going to listen to in one day, really? And I can still take my Note 2 with me, loaded with audio books and music, if I ever have to go on a road trip or a lengthy stay somewhere that’s not home. That’s not quite a wash, due to the inconvenience, but easily manageable.

But you know what I really miss? A dedicated back button.

I know that it’s just a matter of time before I get used to the whole “double-click the home button” and close an app or select the app I want, but I’ve had a back button on my mobile phones since I finally joined the rest of you in the cellular world. Some iOS apps have a back function built in, whether it’s a clicky “back” or the ability to swipe back, but damn it, my thumb likes having the back button where god intended it. I may never stop tapping that wasted real estate on my iPhone.

When I’m due for another upgrade in a couple of years, I may go back to Android. We’ll see how many things Apple gets right in the next couple of rounds in the Phone Wars. Until then, I will bleat about how much I dig my phone, and the fact that it makes me really, really fucking cool.

Just like everyone else.

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