The Fucking Internets | Fuck that! When did mediocrity and banality become a good image for your children? I want my children to listen to people who fucking ROCKED! I don’t care if they died in puddles of their own vomit! I want someone who plays from his fucking HEART! – Bill Hicks

I Haven’t Seen Any Movies Yet

I saw Star Trek. And that was released how long ago now? Two months? Something like that, because I know I went with Mom on Mother’s Day.

Since then, a fuck load of movies have been released that I ain’t seen yet. I have vacation coming up next week. I think a solid day in a movie theater is in order.

Is ‘Up’ still in theaters?

‘Transformers’ should still be in theaters, right?

I’m pretty sure ‘Harry Potter’ is still in theaters, and probably will be until ‘G.I. Joe’ knocks it out of the park.

Wait, I’m still laughing.

What the fuck is up with that G.I. Joe movie anyway? I can tell you one thing I like about it. It has 9th Doctor Christopher Eccleston in it. I like Dennis Quaid okay, but what has he done since Innerspace to Impress me? Not a whole fucking hell of a lot.

The trailers and commercials make G.I. Joe look like… I don’t know. I was going to say ‘MegaForce’, but I think MegaForce would beat G.I. Joe senseless.

G.I. Joe looks like shit. Millions of dollars of shit that will have a great opening weekend and then die a quick death. Will I see it? Maybe if I’ve seen everything else I want to see, have a few bucks and a couple of hours to kill. But I’d be going for Christopher Eccelston.

Millions of wasted dollars. Because I’ve heard Transformers is shit, story-wise. But when I see commercials or trailers, that big popcorn-eating Mother Fucker who likes the Big-Shiny-Boom-Making! says, “Fuck, I want to see that shit.”

G.I. Joe makes we wanna watch the old cartoons on NetFlix.

I’m hoping Joe dies quickly. I want it to die faster than Watchmen died. Because Watchmen was a brilliant adaptation that people flocked to on opening weekend and walked away saying ‘What the fuck was that?’ It wasn’t what they expected, because the trailers and commercials all screamed ‘awesomesauce!’ and brought them in droves to see the superhero movie they wished ‘Superman Returns’ had been. Of course, most of them had never heard of Watchmen. Not really. So they were really fucking disappointed.

I loved it, by the way. Despite the flaws, which I know were likely necessary. I bought the squid in the comic, don’t know if I would have been as impressed on the big screen.

If you don’t know what I mean by squid, you probably didn’t care for the movie.

Watchmen didn’t deserve it’s early death.

I’ll bet G.I. Joe does.

Been watching lots of TV lately. You may have noticed by my Twitter feed if you follow me on Twitter or read my old blog which has sadly been relegated to a twitterfeed repository.

I was working nights for a while, doing nothing. And I decided to start watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu. It was a goof at first. A bored goof.

I really like Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

I should have known that I would. It’s Whedon, after all. And I’m a huge fan of Firefly, I’m digging Dollhouse and I felt that ‘Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog’ was sheer fucking brilliance. But Buffy kinda made me think ‘meh’. Watched all three seasons available on Hulu, then borrowed season 4 from my buddy. I’m only three episodes into season 4. Will watch more on vacation.

While on nights, I also rewatched Firefly (twice, being only 13 episodes long it took up one night each rewatching), and started to rewatch ‘Farscape’. I fucking love that show. Still on season four of the rewatch, being that I’m working days again.

Man, wasn’t Watchmen fucking good?

This week has been all about the BBC. Have been watching Torchwood: Children of Earth. Three nights down, two to go. Children of Earth has been absolutely fucking brilliant. It’s been hella fun this week. Though I feel that bad shit will be done before we wrap up Friday night.

BBC America is also premiering ‘Being Human’ on Saturday. I’ll be watching this and see what’s up. It’s like the ‘Real World’ for monsters. “A Vampire, Werewolf and a Ghost share a house and try to fit into normal human society. See what happens when monsters stop being evil, and start being real… domestic-like.” Looks like fun. I’ll let you know if it is.

Also on the BBC this week is Sunday’s ‘Doctor Who’ special “Planet of the Dead”. Which is part of the continuation of David Tenant’s last ‘season’ as the Doctor. POTD looks really fucking good too. Possibly a marked improvement over the last special ‘The Next Doctor’, which was good and fun, but not quite up to the self-induced hype I had given myself waiting for it.

Watchmen was really fucking good though, wasn’t it?

I’m harping on Watchmen because I have yet to run out and buy the DVD. I will. Maybe even tonight if time allows.

Maybe G.I. Joe won’t be total suckage. Maybe it’ll be like ‘League of Extraordinary Gentlemen’. Because that kind of sucked. Especially when compared to the Graphic Novel (I won’t mention the writer’s name, only that he also wrote ‘Watchmen’ and doesn’t want to be associated with either film). But it was kinda fun. You know. Popcorn fun.

Another issue that I have, which LOEG just reminded me of, is the whole ‘Americans are stupid and not quite so literate’ thing I’ve been getting from the first Harry Potter (book and film) and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone’ as it’s called in America, is really called ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’ in it’s native language (English). The title was changed because some people who make decisions like this thought that Americans would not know what the Philosopher’s Stone was. It’s the Alchemy guy’s wet dream and ultimate goal. Can change lead to Gold, make potion that will let you live forever, etc. ect. etc.

I knew what it was. And maybe not all Americans would have known what it was either, but you know what, we don’t know what a fucking Sorcerers Stone is either. So, you know that the movie had scenes that were shot twice. Anytime Philosopher’s Stone was mentioned, they had to do a new scene mentioning Sorcerer’s Stone instead. I don’t know, maybe they fucking dubbed it. I don’t think so.

I do own a copy of the book, ‘Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone’. Picked up for me in England by my cousin and her British husband. Thanks guys!

League of Extraordinary Gentlemen did the the same thing in their movie-film version. They added ‘Tom Sawyer’ so that American audience’s would have someone they could fucking relate to, since they would be unfamiliar with all of these English/European legends.

I call bullshit on that. Alan Quartermain? Maybe. But Captain Nemo? The Invisible Man, Jeckyl and Hyde and some Vampire chick? (Yes, Mina from Dracula)? Anyone who has actually read about Tom Sawyer has probably some familiarity with the others. And none of the above are exactly obscure. American versions and adaptations have abounded in Hollywood for years. And wait, let’s add… Dorian Gray? Now that’s fucking obscure.

It was kinda fun though. Not as good as the Graphic Novels, but fun.

Shit. I’m done ranting. I didn’t mean to go this far. I just wanted to say that I haven’t seen any new movies since Star Trek and that Watchmen was really fucking good.


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